Letter to the narcissist
You can read my story here.
You usually start a letter with the words dear…, But I can’t get myself to open a letter to you with those words, that’s how much you disgust me. I have been nothing but kind to you since the day we met, and you seemed so kind, but looking back at my time with you I realize that everything was a beautiful lie.
You targeted me; I see that now. Even though I still doubt myself from time to time, thinking back to how things started, I realize now that I was your prey. I was a beautiful, seemingly strong and intelligent girl, but also vulnerable, and you knew that. You used my vulnerability to get close to me. You made me believe that you were the only person that could take my pain away.
It was a beautiful fairytale, the perfect guy, living in Orlando, going to Disney, having a wonderful family of our own. You said I was the perfect woman to marry, I was everything you were looking for. You promised me you would make it happen, no matter what, you always kept your promises. Boy was I foolish.
Months went by, and the sweet talk slowly changed to abuse. At first, I didn’t realize it, when you became angry at me for not talking to you for 1 min, I thought it was because you loved me that much and was afraid of losing me, but no. You wanted to control me because I was yours, your property. You told your other victims and me how you were going to steal us from our lives. At that moment I should have known you were a sociopath.
You had perverted fantasies. I accepted them because I took you for who you are, that’s what love is you know. It’s been so long, and part of me still thinks you will apologize someday cause you regret what you did, but then I have to remind myself, you won’t cause you don’t have a heart. The world involves around you, and everything and everyone is for the taking.
If I wanted to sleep, you kept me awake. You either became angry with me, or you told me you were going to meet other women, if that didn’t work you started playing the victim that couldn’t be without me, and I always bought it. You were so convincing; you deserve an Oscar. You even send me pictures of yourself crying, I’m still wondering how you faked it.
And what about your marriage? You never wore a ring, I realized months later you had one, but you deliberately took it off when you saw me, pathetic. You are a cliche; a young man, marries too early and can’t be satisfied by one woman, so he looks for others. We are not up for grabs you know? We are human beings with feelings; you don’t get to claim us as your own and hurt us until you are bored and discard us.
I get angry at times because everything feels so unfair. You live in a beautiful place, with lovely dogs, a lovely wife and a good bond with your family. You have a great job; the irony is you work for this great woman that empowers women all over the world, a woman that celebrates ambition, Hell you got even honored for yours. You proudly showed me the picture of you and her, telling me what a great guy you are and how you respect women and want to empower them. I never knew that empowering women meant threatening, abusing and hurting them. Does she know she has a sociopath working for her? I doubt it, cause you play the perfect gentleman.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, and I think about how many victims you’re making. Your wife, the biggest of them all. You even accused me of reaching out to her, but I never did. I wish I did; I wish I had to courage to tell her how you humiliated her, in front of many other people and me. How you stated that she thought you deleted those pictures of her, while you proudly showed them off. Your wife deserves better.
The most confusing of everything is probably how you left things. You threatened me; you told me you were going to ruin my life, you said you had a whole file on me, the same file you said you deleted ten times before, but right before you left you said; I sincerely wish you the best. No wonder I’m so confused, who are you? It’s like you have many faces. I’m that kind of person that wants to see the good in everyone, and I still do in you as well, even though my therapist has told me there is no doubt that you are a psychopath.
You always told me how empathetically you are, but you should look up that word in the dictionary. If you have any respect for your wife, you tell her what you did, and you give her the chance to start a new life, with someone who truly cares for her and knows what love is. Cause no matter what you do, you can’t make up for what you did. You know what you did, I can’t even write it, cause it’s that horrible.
At one point you told me you had to make your marriage work, and I was even a little proud of you, cause I thought you were finally going to man up and become a decent person, even though you had to abandon your promises to me in the process. It was incredibly painful to let you go, but I knew it was the right thing to do, but you didn’t let go of me.
Every day you expected me to talk to you, but I wasn’t allowed to talk about my pain or anything about the past. I was hurting, but thinking of you bettering your life made it worthwhile until I found out the real reason you discarded me. I was just another part of your cliche, the girl you got bored with. I don’t know how many girls came after me, but I knew there came at least seven before me.
The day I received that screenshot of a dating profile in my mail my eyes were opened. You didn’t leave cause you were a good guy fighting for his marriage, you were looking for new prey. I don’t know how many girls are in your life now, but I genuinely hope they can see through you. Although I know as no other, how hard that is. You are charming and truly a fantastic liar.
I hope one day as you get older, and you lose your charm you realize that you can’t hurt other beings for your pleasure because that’s what we are good for. You enjoy seeing other peoples pain; you even get aroused by it, you love humiliating us. The day you left; you told me I was the craziest girl you ever met, but if I am crazy, what does that make you? You need therapy, and fast, before one day a girl loses her life thanks to you. Not that you care, but I hope karma does.
I would say I wish you well, but I don’t. Your former friends, my friends, keep telling me that karma will catch up to you, and if it’s up to me, I hope you disappear in a sinkhole so you can no longer hurt another human being.
And no, I don’t care anymore. I will never care for you anymore, and one day when people see who you are, they won’t either, and you will finally be all alone.